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My tweets

  • Thu, 13:08: When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music".. but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
  • Thu, 17:32: Teacher:"I have a green ball in one hand, a green ball in another, what do I have" Student:"Kermit the Frog begging for mercy"
  • Thu, 22:57: What is on my mind? I don't think you wanna know. . . Sometimes I don't even wanna know!
  • Fri, 10:24: Not everything is at it appears while the evocative Moon trave... More for Scorpio http://t.co/CJxkZdsFSL

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My tweets

  • Wed, 13:17: is gonna stand inside an elevator in a lion costume and when someone walks in yell...WELCOME TO NARNIA!!!
  • Wed, 23:20: The next time you go to a furniture store, ask if they have stool samples.
  • Thu, 10:22: You may be able to clear up a lingering problem today, even if... More for Scorpio http://t.co/CJxkZdsFSL

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My tweets

  • Tue, 13:29: Today's good mood is brought to you largely in part by pharmaceuticals...
  • Tue, 18:09: I miss the old days where you can roll around on the floor and people think its adorable, now when I do that people think it's weird.
  • Tue, 23:29: If stopped by the Police, and asked if you have any weapons or drugs, it's not the best idea to say, "It depends..Are you placing an Order?"
  • Wed, 10:23: Your self-criticism continues to grow lighter day by day. In f... More for Scorpio http://t.co/CJxkZdsFSL

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  • Mon, 13:53: I Got banned from eBay... apparently a brick on a string isn't considered a "Penis Enlargement Solution"
  • Mon, 23:13: Phone sex; I'll bet it wasn't what that telemarketer was expecting.
  • Tue, 10:23: Your dreams are so pragmatic today that it's hard to distingui... More for Scorpio http://t.co/CJxkZdsFSL

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My tweets

  • Sun, 13:22: Teach puts 4x+13/45*78(a+3) and tells you to solve the problem. Go up to the board and erase and say PROBLEM SOLVED.
  • Sun, 18:34: Me: "I'll have a Coke please." Cashier: "Is Pepsi okay?" Me: "Is Monopoly money okay?"
  • Mon, 03:37: Studies show that 48% of women have used vibrators, The other 52% have brand new ones!
  • Mon, 10:23: Although you are known for sticking to your principles, you st... More for Scorpio http://t.co/CJxkZdsFSL

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My tweets

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My tweets

  • Fri, 16:00: Marriage is a 2-way street...the wife's way and the wrong way.
  • Sat, 10:23: Your anger may simmer beneath the surface all day, especially ... More for Scorpio http://t.co/CJxkZdsFSL
  • Sat, 11:59: When people ask me why I do the things I do I just look at them then scream CAUSE I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!

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My tweets

  • Thu, 12:59: I was going to take over the world today, but the Control button on my computer isn't working.
  • Fri, 10:24: Stand up tall and assume your rightful place within your famil... More for Scorpio http://t.co/CJxkZdsFSL

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My tweets

  • Wed, 12:41: A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast.
  • Wed, 20:09: No pain med's, no caffeine, nothing to snack on....WORSE DAY EVER!
  • Thu, 10:24: You could be confused by people's inconsistent feelings today.... More for Scorpio http://t.co/CJxkZdsFSL

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My tweets

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